They was able to remove the WHOLE tumor without it affecting my lung, it turns out it wasn’t benign after all, it was cancerous but didn’t spread, so I am so so happy I agreed to the surgery. I was taken out of the ICU at 6am this morning, and I have had my breathing tube removed, the surgery went FANTASTIC and I am SO so happy. I’ll be allowed home within a week or 2, maybe even sooner, thank you for all the get well messages & all the love. I love every single one of you. 

And a big thank you, to my little sister, Cass, who was watching over me the whole time. You’re forever in my heart wee sis. I love you to the moon and back a thousand times. My guardian angel. Big kisses sent up to heaven.

Still trying to process this news 

I can’t believe this :(

I miss you so much, Cass.

It isn’t fair, I want you back!

I was admitted today because I was neutropenic which basically means my neutrophils count (type of white blood cell) is low and they are the cells that fight off infections, the normal count is between 2,500-6,000, mine was 600, and below 500 is a risk for serious infection. So they’ve put me on IV antibiotics to calm down my fever & have done a few tests to see what has caused it, my scans have come back clear from Cancer so thankfully it isn’t that, they think it might be because of thing horrible “change” that I am going through or some kind of autoimmune problem. Looks like I’m here until tomorrow afternoon at least. Boo, it sucks. 

I’m just going to have a Vampire Diaries marathon, I think. 

I’m in so much pain with my stomach.

I’m trying so hard not to tell my mum though, because she is having so much fun, I mean… We are on holiday why should I ruin it by telling her? I’m going to be fine.

IM CANCER FREE EVERYONE

CANCER FREE!!!!! NED!!!!!

I am so happy :’)

I hate it when people say "you have to be depressed to have an eating disorder" nah, ye don’t. fair enough, depression normally causes eating disorder, but you can still be happy with life, probably not so much yourself, I hate my body, its ridiculously disgusting, but I’m in control of what goes into my mouth, life on the other hand, I can’t control, but I can cope, understand?  

I recovered from depression over a year ago, but I’m still fighting for a perfect body, I’m still fairly insecure and I have panic attacks often, but life? life is life and it goes on I’m afraid.

© sinuously